life is happening too quickly..

i think it's this weather.

i start school again next month.

i'm nervous..

do you know what happens if you lose your license tabs? don't ask how.. i don't have to pay the $86 again, do i?

i have something profound to say..

i'll spit it out.. sooner or later..

hope all is well, xanga.

if you have a moment, please watch this..

watch it to the end.. trust me.. well worth it. i just bought a few copies of the whole dvd [which by the way is absolutely amazing].. puts things into perspective.. i'd be more than happy to send you the entire copy of the dvd if you'd like.

i can't find the first part of this online to show you.. but i cannot emphasize.. just how.. awesome.. it is.

how great IS our God..

it perplexes me as to how people can say that there is no God.. that there is no Jesus Christ when everything else proves otherwise.

i came to work in my workout clothes to work out after work..

i went downstairs on my lunch to grab my salad.. but decided do go down one more flight of stairs to work out. 

now i'm all sweaty and nasty at my desk.. grubbing on a spinach salad.. no meat.

whyyyyy.. why can't i be like every other korean chick? huh? all petite and naturally thin.

i've set a workout goal though.. five miles in 45 minutes.. i can't run worth doo doo.

i think i'm starting to get addicted to facebook. uh oh. must.. stay.. away.

for what reason[s] would a guy go from talking to you almost everyday.. to all of a sudden completely avoiding/ignoring you?

the only thing that really came to mind was..

he's married.

i didn't tell her that though..

the weather here is horrible. windstorms, rain.. 55 degrees.. almost summertime? pft.

hawaii was amazing. exceeded all expectations for me.

the shark encounter was one of the best experiences of my life. here's a glimpse.. this is [kinda] how they lured the 15-20 sharks that were surrounding our cage. chumming as they call it.. [thank you, dat]

anyway..

it cost me $63 to fill my tank up today. good gracious. time to bust out my bicycle. word up.

luckily for me, i hit quad aces yesterday -- $900 jackpot. in a matter of two hours, i walk away with $1100.. minus the hundred bucks i tipped the dealer. he was a happy camper.. as was i. it was crazy.. i raised preflop.. everyone folds except the big blind who goes all in.. which barely makes it enough money in the pot to qualify for a jackpot.. i call. ace on the flop.. turn is a queen.. river is an ace. man.

maybe another trip to hawaii? heh. :] too bad i have to pay my car insurance this month.. every six months i get to hand over a hefty check to my insurance company. le sigh..

i'd also like to share with you folks just how amazingly stupid i can be..

so i'm in the shower the night before i fly out..

i rarely shave my legs as they hardly ever grow hair.. so i apply some foam onto my left leg.. i grab the razor and proceed to shave when i realize the blade was rather weak. so what do i do? with all my might, i press the razor and slide it up my leg.. the end result?

[dat, you better look! muhahha]

i'm special.

add me. 

mindgasms@gmail.com

guess where i'm off to this friday??

hawaii!

woooooot. i'll be there till wednesday.

a much needed vacation it is.

i need to get a tan before i go.. i am wayyyy too pale..

i've never tanned before though.. hmmm..

and this is one of the main reasons why i'll be going:

hopefully, i come out alive to share my experience. haha.

i slouch here.. legs curled up.. in a semi-fetal position.

i just picked my sister up from the train station. she made her way to my car, a bag in hand.. the rest of her stuff was brought to my mother's place the week before. we exchanged hello's.. she's never really been a person of many words.. and tonight was no different. 

she's laying here.. back turned to me.. "never let go" by the david crowder band is blasting from my speakers for a reason.. i want to conceal the sound of my stubborn sniffles..

i'm going to miss her dearly. there's a heavy discomfort that plagues my heart.. knowing that she'll be thousands of miles away.. in an unfamiliar place.. i feel as though i should protect her.. as she has protected me my whole life.

she's always been my rock. to be honest, i don't know how i would have made it through my childhood without having her by my side. things were so messed up.. so dysfunctional.. but having her there.. she was my confirmation that everything would be alright.

i took the lack of distance that we shared between us for granted. she was all but a hundred or so miles away.. i should have visited more often. we should have spent more time together.. now about three thousand miles will separate us. i don't have the luxury of hopping in my car and driving down there anymore.. it's not like i fully embraced those opportunities when they were there, you know? ugh..

[i never publicized the first part which i wrote the other night]..

i dropped her off at the airport this morning. it was bittersweet.. moreso bitter than sweet.. heh.. but i know this is only to better her future and i'm glad for her.. but it sucks seeing her go..

i hate airports.

i walked her to the security check.. they informed me that i was not allowed to proceed any further as i wasn't a passenger. she thanked me for dropping her off. i didn't know what else to say or do.. we were never ones to show our emotions.. i felt like crying.. and i could feel my tears gradually producing.. i wanted to quickly walk away before she saw..

"call me when you land.. k? bye.."

"i will, thanks again.. bye.."

and she did something that i can't even remember the last time she did this.. she hugged me. it may seem odd to most folks that two sisters have never hugged as adults.. but it's true.. it felt weird..

i feel as though my entire childhood has been validated by my sister. she kept me alive in more ways than one..

i miss her already.

a profound post.. but my laptop crashed. lovely.

let's try this again..

i'll attempt to retell this story.. i'm probably messing it up.. but yeah.. [my pastor was better at this]..

a father was trying to get some shut eye as it had been a long day for him.. his seven year old son crept up on him as he proceeded to lay down..

"dad, i'm bored.. let's do something"

exhausted and desperate, the father got up and grabbed the day's paper. on the front was a map of the world. a clever idea popped up.. the father tore the map into thirty-forty pieces..

"son, your assignment is to piece the map together"

he made his way back to the comfy daybed he prepped for this nap.. he figured this would take his son over an hour or so to finish.

fifteen minutes later, the son poked at his father as he had just fallen asleep.. surprised, the father walked over to the coffee table and saw that the map was indeed.. pieced together accurately.. before he could say anything.. the son stated..

"you see dad.. on the back of the newspaper.. behind the map.. was a person. once i put the person together, the world looked just fine"

true that. bandaids don't heal.. temporary solutions are just that. the real problems exist within us.. the real solution to it all starts there.

my sister leaves in one week. i'm dropping her off at the airport next saturday..

i hate airports. i hate goodbyes.

indeed.