so i usually try to get to work roughly around 7 so that i can find street parking. otherwise, i have to pay a crapload for a monthly parking spot. eff that. so i’m on my way to work this morning.. it was around 7:30, so i was running behind.. paranoid that that i would have to park like five blocks away, i speed.. weaving through the slowpokes. speed limit was 35.. i was going at least 50.. it was a dreary morning.. raining pretty hard..

anyway, as the story goes.. all of a sudden.. as i’m tailing the van in front of me (he was going like 20mph for goodness sake).. i see the lights flashing. effing cop was behind me.. it was pretty dark and he was driving an SUV so i didn’t realize a cop had been behind me. frick!!! so i pull over.. he comes to my window and gives me a disgusted look. “do you realize how fast you were going?? how you were tailgating other cars? i was following you the whole time and it’s people like you who make these roads unsafe. why were you driving like that?”.. my mouth dropped. damn…. “i’m late for work”

“and that gives you the right to drive like a maniac?” he was pisssssssed.

“i need your license, registration, and proof of insurance” the guy was friggin rude. so i reach over to my glove compartment and retrieve a stack of junk.. haha.. i hadn’t opened this thing in a while. and of course, i don’t have the current documents!

the cop stares at me with his cold eyes.. “you should think about cleaning that thing out sometime, you know”

whoa. i thought.. of all cops who could have pulled me over.. i get mister jerkface. damnit.. what a prick..

“well? current documents?” he was getting so effing smart with me. and then it hit me.. my insurance is going to go up and i know they fine you hella for not having these documents.. so, i started to bawl.. he had no sympathy whatsoever. “when was the last time you were given a ticket?”

“a little over a year ago” i was sobbing.

“for what”

“speeding, sir”

he grabbed my license and walked back to his vehicle. it was about ten minutes later.. he walks up to my window.. “that’s a $500 fine for not having a current insurance card.. $300 for not having your most current registration.. and you were going about 15mph over the limit so your ticket could be well over $1000. look, Ms. Lee, be careful.. will you? if you’re going to speed at least make sure there isn’t a cop following you like i was. i’m not going to write you up. where do you work and what do you do?

i told him as i was trying to keep the snots from dripping out of my nostrils.

“no more speeding” he smiled and proceeded to go his way.

was this because i started crying??

what if a dude did that? what if the cop was a chick? hmmmm.. all i know is that i am SO thankful.

what do you think should be the maximum age gap between a couple?

honestly.. in your opinion.. is 13 years too much?..

i was approached by a homeless man as i was about to step out of my car.

‘miss, miss.. please.. i’m so hungry. i came up here from florida and all i want is something to eat’.. he was on the verge of tears..

i rummaged through my purse for any loose change or bills.. nada.

‘please, please’ he had such desperation in his voice.. yet his breath reeked of alcohol.

‘i don’t have any cash, i’m sorry. listen, can you wait right here for a second? i’ll go to the mcdonald’s over there and buy you some food..’ my heart ached for him..

he quickly wiped his eyes and looked up at me as though he had seen a ghost.. ‘really?? i will wait right here!’

i walked across the street to mcdonald’s and ordered him a number one.. super sized.. with a coke. i skedaddled out of there.. and made my way to the spot where i told him to wait. he was nowhere to be seen..

i searched the area up and down. i was being toasted by the scorching sun..

as i turned the corner, i saw him sitting.. indian style.. pouring his bottle of rum into his coffee cup.. i knelt down and placed the bag and drink in front of him..

‘ah.. i.. uh.. who are you?!’ he totally forgot.

‘mister.. you should really stop drinking..’

i walked away.. as i was about to cross the street.. i looked back.. and there he was.. passed out on the sidewalk.

my company just announced yet another massive layoff..

when is this going to end?

i’m still there.. but i feel as though they’re dismantling my whole department..

sigh.

i decided to utilize the $40 a month that i fork up.. and check out a different gym location. it was all but another five minutes away from the one i normally go to. i heard this other facility was an improvement.. offered more variety, and most of the cardio equipment actually functions. it was one of those days where you just don’t feel like exercising.. but you’re forced to go since you devoured one too many bowls of cereal. :/

“good evening” a masculine voice greeted. i was in a hurry. get in, sweat that cinnamon toast crunch off, get out. i extended my arm so he could scan my card.. and then i looked up……..

this face was awfully familiar.. he smiled as we briefly locked eyes.. my eyes aimlessly wandered to his shiny name tag… ‘brandon’…

i was twelve.. or was it eleven.. going into middle school. foreign territory, unfamiliar faces.. it wasn’t easy. it’s hard fitting in as an adolescent, especially when you didn’t attend elementary school with the rest of them. every child yearns to be accepted by their peers.. i wasn’t any different.

“hey chinky! hahaha four eyes! how does it feel to be a brace face?!” yeah, i resembled your typical-fresh-off-the-boat asian. i had glasses, braces, and i played the violin. i had seen this kid around school but this was the first time that he ever acknowledged my presence. he was one of the popular kids who was never seen walking alone.. he was always surrounded by the other mainstream kids. the second he shouted such derogatory comments at me, i could feel tears well up behind those thick lenses of mine. you can’t cry.. you can’t cry. suck it up, ang. i acted as though his words were not heard. just tell michelle, she’ll take care of him. my sister was my protector.. she was like the big brother everyone feared back when we lived in kentucky.

this continued throughout the whole school year. the kid recruited his other friends to join in on the teasing of this meek target. i never stood up for myself in fear that it would only worsen. with all the dysfunctions occurring at home, it.. my adolescent life became simply unbearable. him, this one being — he provoked all of this.. he incited the name calling, the bullying. my life precipitated into a living hell, thanks to one individual. i hated him with every cell in my body. i despised his existence.

sophomore year i transferred high schools. i blossomed. i soon forgot what it was like to be the victim.. the bullied. i enjoyed high school. that kid faded from my memory.

—————————————————————————–

..it struck me.. as odd as it may sound, my knees buckled.. i could feel my heart beating profusely. no way.. it was him. it was the kid who sent me home in tears practically everyday.. the bastard who converted me to contact lenses.. the jerk who caused heartache for my mother who had to witness her daughter’s pain from all of the careless acts he committed.. the snake who had me begging my parents to convince my orthodontist that i didn’t need the braces anymore…. and here i was… over a decade later, face to face. you have no idea.. as minute and pointless as this all sounds, it evoked a ton of emotions that once plagued me as a kid. and as i was being battered with flashbacks.. i heard a faint voice.. i took a deep breath..

“excuse me?”

“oh, i just asked if you were new to our facility” he grinned. he had no idea who i was.. i went through a total transformation.. of course he didn’t recognize me.

i gathered my composure.

“yes, i am” i smiled back and proceeded to the cardio room.

it was bittersweet in a sense.. seeing him reminded me of a really shitty time that i wish had never happened.. subsequently, it was rather humorous seeing this douchebag working as a receptionist at my gym.

hah.

by the way, as i was leaving.. brandon attempted to talk to me again. i shoved my earphones in and skipped my way through the exit.

happy father’s day.

go watch this movie.

if you got dreams in your heart
why don’t you share them with me?
and if dreams don’t come true
i’ll make sure that your nightmares
are through

if you got pain in your heart
why don’t you share it with me?
and we’ll just wait and see
if it’s half what it used to be

and lay it down slow
lay it down free
lay it down easy
but lay it on me

if you’ve got love in your heart
why don’t you keep it with mine?
i can’t promise a miracle
but i’ll always be trying

and lay it down slow
lay it down free
lay it down easy
but lay it on me

lay it down easy
lay it on me

lay it down easy
but lay it on me

i let go today… once and for all………….. liberating/………… in a sense……………