i feel like stabbing everyone in their necks.. with a pencil.. repeatedly.

i had something profound to say.. but i don't think anyone gives a rat's ass.

i think i'm bipolar.

the radio host is blabbing on about how big, heavier women have smaller vaginas than small, skinnier women. then this chick called in.. infuriated. "i'm a plus size lady and honey, mine is huge".. thank you for sharing. i'll have to conduct my very own study for this one. i shall come back with the results at a later time.

i feel this ball of rage in the lower part of my abdomen...............

do i sound crazy yet?

why are women so trifling? yes, i know it's just something in their nature.. but fuck, man.. 99.5% of females are unloyal (isn't it.. disloyal?) backstabbers. word.

i wonder how many of those scenarios "dearjulie" creates herself. i'd say.. 99.5% of them. i like that percentage. i'm not bashing on anyone. in fact, i subbed to her a while back.. however, i'm starting to believe that she makes those questions up herself.. and the majority of the advice she gives is pretty shitty. i'm entitled to think whatever i want. damn straight.

you know what i think it is? i need to get laid.. pronto. that should do the trick.. if not, something is seriously wrong..

edit: oh, and by the way. i just love how some of you mofos come by my page.. dig through my comments, and leave. so as of today, you no longer have access to my page. you know who you are.

these are the friend invitations i've received.. it spills on to a second page. i suppose i should clean it out. "check all".. "decline".. hah.

hope your day is going better than mine.

Moses Mendelssohn, the grandfather of the well-known German composer, was far from being handsome. Along with a rather short stature, he had a grotesque hunchback.

One day he visited a merchant in Hamburg who had a lovely daughter named Frumtje. Moses fell hopelessly in love with her. But Frumtje was repulsed by his misshapen appearance.

When it came time for him to leave, Moses gathered his courage and climbed the stairs to her room to take one last opportunity to speak with her. She was a vision of heavenly beauty, but caused him deep sadness by her refusal to look at him. After several attempts at conversation, Moses shyly asked, "Do you believe marriages are made in Heaven?"

"Yes," she answered, still looking at the floor. "And do you?"

"Yes I do," he replied. "You see, in heaven at the birth of each boy, the Lord announces which girl he will marry. When I was born, my future bride was pointed out to me. Then the Lord added, "But your wife will be humpbacked."

"Right then and there I called out, "Oh Lord, a humpbacked woman would be a tragedy. Please Lord, give me the hump and let her be beautiful."

Then Frumtje looked up into his eyes and was stirred by some deep memory. She reached out and gave Mendelssohn her hand and later became his devoted wife.

how do you know when you love someone..?

i was having a few conversations last night.. ironically, most of them were provoked by questions these gentlemen had about women.

i can't really explain it to you guys, really. women are just complicated creatures. everything to them (when i use such general terms.. i'm referring to the majority of females out there. you always have your special cases.. like.. me. ) has to be twenty more times difficult than what it really is. it's as if they thrive off of it. one of the guys last night asked me.. "why is it that men will say.. i want a glass or water.. whereas, women will say.. i'm thirsty".. chicks tend to throw off these hints, these "subtle" statements that they expect the dude to infer upon. i have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for a few months now. she'll bitch and whine to me that he's so unthoughtful and selfish. so i asked her what exactly it was that brought her to this conclusion. she told me how she'll want to hang out with him but won't say anything since he should initiate the "spending together time".. and that he should want to see her. so he'll ask her what she's doing today, and she'll respond with something simple. he'll then mention that his friend is having a barbecue that he might attend.. and then.. bam.. she's upset at him. wtf?! and then she expects him to figure out why she's mad. same kind of situation. a friend wanted this necklace for the longest time.. she'd always take him into the jewelry store.. at one point, she even showed him that particular necklace and mentioned how she loved it. her birthday came by a few months later and he had gotten her this exquisite watch. i kid you not, she was enraged. and once again, he's supposed to know why she's so damn angry.

these legitimate examples are ones many other people can relate to. i asked them why don't they just effing tell their man what it is that they want.. whether it be a rolex, a hamburger, or that they simply want to hang out. both had precisely the same answer.. "because if i told him, it wouldn't mean anything.." WTF?! so they're basically saying.. it would taking away all meaning if they had to straight up tell their man what it is that they want. i told both friends this.. "men are oblivious when it comes to stuff like this. they don't intentionally ignore your wants.. you HAVE to express it directly. it won't make it less special or lose it's meaning because they don't think that deep enough! save the both of you a strain in your relationship and be up front.." both looked at me with blank expressions. blasphemy. they should know. they should love me enough to pick up on such things.. gah. (okay, i'll admit that i once had the same perception.. but i realized it's a complete waste of time and energy so i stopped doing it. and trust me, it's much better this way)..

i'm sorry, guys. i don't blame you if you turn into a homosexual.. because frankly.. i would, too. aesthetically.. women are so beautiful.. so you're turned on, and you can't stay away.. but when it comes to what really matters, you're disgusted.. yet trapped. it sucks for you even more if you're into korean chicks. these psychotic, emo, dramatic wenches who love to play mind games but appear to be "normal".. and you're just mesmerized by their beauty.. by this pseudo image of sanity that they portrayed in the beginning. and once again, you're trapped.. that's women in general.

i have a lot more to say about this -- women and relationships.. but it'd drag on for days. 

i played in the main event yesterday. 2,400 something people who won a pass through qualifying tournaments entered.. only one grand prize of the $10,000 wsop seat and a trip to vegas.. dun dun dun..

unfortunately, i didn't win.  not even close.. finishing in a pathetic 187th place, i walked away a loser. wah.

korepsych, in lieu of the lovely story that you shared, here is mine.

i went to a club on saturday.. with one simple intention. to get piss ass drunk. anyway, we're downing drinks left and right.. an hour or so later, i realize i have to take a whiz like.. asap. so i run downstairs. there had to be at least 15 other women ahead of me.. waiting on the measly two toilets. so, i'm hopping around trying to prevent my piss from squirting out everywhere. i was tempted to barge into the men's restroom and go.. but there was a bouncer dude monitoring the hall. my turn finally arrives.. i run into the stall, unzip my pants and started peeing.. the problem is.. i'm pretty drunk at this point.. and.. i never, ever make contact with the toilet seat in public restrooms. so.. the next thing i know.. i feel this warm wetness. so i pull my pants up, walk out.. and realize that i had urinated all over myself. luckily it's a dark environment, and everyone else's BO overrode the stench of my piss.

my xanga friends, i'm in dire need of some good reading material -- hilarious, depressing, whatevers.. boredom at work is whooping my ass. on top of that.. you mofos who i'm subbed to.. hardly ever update. gah. any recommendations? please, link me. sharing is caring. thanks. 

world vision called me..

she informed me that they've decided to "pursue a more qualified candidate"..  sa;dlkfj.

edit: a phone call wasn't enough, eh??  i just received this in my inbox..

Dear Angie,

Thank you, again, for your interest in World Vision where people are called to a life-changing commitment to serve the poor in the name of Christ.

Best regards,
World Vision

rub it in, okay? for goodness sake.. i was almost over it. pft. i can't believe it.. i went through two interviews with them.. i really thought it was mine.. =/

dude.. don't eat turkey spam. i tried some for lunch today and the consistency is funky. so is the taste.. it's like 1/3 the calories of regular spam but it ain't worth it. i'm going to go home and open a can of the regular stuff and inhale that shiet. yeehaw.

i was watching this porno last night.. it was a threesome between two chicks and a dude. it was kinda funny because one of the girls was super hot.. the other one had a busted face. so you could totally see the guy giving all his interest/attention to the good looking one. never once did he kiss the ugly chick.

after watching that.. it got me wondering..

men.. would you rather date a chick who has a gorgeous face, yet she's chunky.. or a chick who has a hideous face, yet she has a banging body? be honest.

i went to the korean supermarket to get some shopping done for tomorrow night. being the domestic goddess that i am, i'm going to whip up one hell of a korean dinner for some friends. i'm in that mood, you know. (must be that time of the month).. anyway, as i was browsing through the aisle of snacks.. a herd of the mexican workers appeared out of nowhere. they were just standing there.. one proceeded to call over another amigo.. and the next thing i knew.. i had a whole audience watching my every move. i felt violated. so i hurried over to the aisle of kim and dwen jang, and other miscellaneous items thinkin.. "damn, i must look sexy today"..

as i bent over to grab kim wraps.. i saw that my shirt had unbuttoned.. right where my boobies are.

last night, i played in a main event qualifying tournament. no entry fee, so it hit the maximum amount of players allowed-- 5000. because it is free, this is how it worked.. top 100 out of a few of these qualifiers gets a pass to another tournament where they battle it out for a seat into this year's wsop. (for those of you who aren't familiar with this.. that's a $10k seat).. anyway.. i ended up finishing 2nd place. it doesn't really matter until the main event, but knowing that i beat out 4,998 people.. i'm quite proud of myself. it started at 6pm and we didn't finish until 10:15ish.

one of the highlights worth mentioning was when i flopped quad kings. i raised preflop, two callers. flop came K K 2. i check, and it gets checked around. d'oh. turn comes.. 10. i bet the minimum hoping someone would raise me. one calls, one folds. river comes.. deuce. i was praying the dude made deuces full of kings. i bet a little more than the minimum.. and.. he just calls. booo.

anyway, the main event is on sunday. winner takes the free seat, and an all expense paid trip to vegas. keep an eye out for me on espn, ya'll. muhahah. i have a good feeling about this..

on another note.. i'm still waiting to hear from world vision.. i've had two interviews with them already and now i'm patiently waiting.. i reallllly hope i get it.. not only because i'm all for what they do.. but i'd also get the opportunity to travel.. which is something i've wanted to do for quite some time.

my friend and i are planning a trip to......... disneyland. any recommendations/tips/money you'd like to contribute? like, where i can find the best deals, a better time of the year to visit, or if you just want to transfer money into my paypal account to help fund this..? haha. seriously, though.. last time i went, i was.. what.. 14.. so i'm clueless.. muchos gracias in advance.

i met "r" at a mutual friends birthday party that was held at one of the numerous faddy clubs in downtown. as we entered the congested venue, i spotted the birthday boy. i scampered over to give him his recognition. immediately, my eyes wandered to the guy who stood next to him. this tall, plain -- yet stylish.. man. very appealing. anyway, there was just something about him that magnetized my interest. not in that way.. (i was still with the ex at the time. ).. however.. have you ever met someone who just ignites your curiosity?.. not where you're looking to pursue a boyfriend/girlfriend.. or a one night stand sort of thing.. but just someone who radiates a story that you're itching to unveil. someone.. who, for some reason absolutely intrigues you within the first five minutes of encountering them..

throughout the evening, r and i engaged in deep conversations. my initial impression of him proved true. he was, in fact.. intriguing. i couldn't stray away for even a bathroom break. the music was flooding our words.. but we managed. i found out that he was in a pretty serious relationship. i was glad for him. anyway, after this night.. we began to call each other.. and started to hang out often. i introduced him to m.. and he introduced me to his gf. we eventually went on double dates. r became my rock, i became his. we were like "soulmate friends" as i would call it. heh.

anyway. him and his gf called it quits. he fronted like it didn't phase him.. i called bullshit. not a few months later.. i left my ex -- one of the hardest things i had ever had to do (at the time). this strained our friendship for i isolated myself. he attempted to reach me numerous times. at one point, he waited outside my apartment for me to come home after work.. i expressed my desire to remain alone.. but he wouldn't budge. shortly after, i realized that i wasn't going to heal like this. we started to hang out again. we enjoyed each others company and did random things together. shooting at the gun range, piantballing, 2am dinners.. hah. it was great. one fall evening, we were walking on the pier when all of a sudden, he stopped. i looked over at him.. and he ever so passionately kissed me. i didn't think twice. i clamped the back of his neck and the next thing i knew, we were back at his place.

i tell you, physically.. the sex was mind boggling. however, mentally.. i felt paralyzed. it was right, but wrong. initially, i felt a ton of regret because he was like my best friend.. but damn, it was great. and so.. for the first time, i set aside the moral aspect of it. our rendezvous continued.. instead of engaging in the outdoorsy sort of fun.. we interacted in sexual activities. frankly, we became "fuck buddies".. yeah, yeah. gasp, gasp.

as the story goes.. one of us became emotionally involved.. no, it was not me. it was r.. one evening, after some bedroom rockin.. i skedaddled out of his house as i needed to get home for work the next day. he chased me to the front lawn, shrieking my name. i turned around and shouted that i had to go.

five minutes later, his name appears on my lcd screen.

"how could you just walk out like that?" he raged.

"what?" i was a tad bit confused.

"wow.. now i know how women feel when men walk out after screwing them"

wtf? this was unusual of r.. i was perplexed.

he began to act stranger.. blowing up my phone.. questioning me on my whereabouts. because of this, our meetups became less frequent.. then one day.. he professed his "love" for me. i wasn't ready.. additionally, i didn't see him, at all, in this way. everything deteriorated.. both the sex.. and our friendship.

i look back on it now and wish i would have prevented our hormones from ruining a good friendship.. meh.

some of you say that guys and girls cannot be friends.. i disagree. i have numerous male friends. i would never have sex with any of them. it's with the ex's that i firmly believe can't "be friends".. (more on this another time)..

i was craving a quiet, relaxing evening.. so we ended up going to a nice little spot in downtown. a chic thai restaurant where it never gets too crowded. they have enough tables to seat the popularity of the place.. but it's minimal enough for you to enjoy the intimate, ambient setting that they offer.

as we're looking over our menus.. i hear a "bam".. i turn around to find a russian couple going at it. their drinks were spilt, the woman was almost in tears.. and the jerkwad boyfriend was proceeding to put on his jacket. i couldn't understand what the hell they were saying.. but all i know is that the boyfriend was making a total ass out of not only himself.. but his girlfriend. it didn't take a genius to figure out that she was begging him, in russian, to calm down. instead, he bitched a little more.. then stormed right out of there.

i mean, honestly.. is it really that impossible to control your temper? save it for home.. or even the car.

this weekend was.. nice. there's nothing that good food, poker, great company, and marvel vs. capcom can't cure.