this is hilarious.
what a whore.
what constitutes a cheater? (relationship wise..)
does it have to entail actual penetration? or.. is infidelity committed the second you even think about another man/woman (in an intimate manner)? or.. does it have to involve something physical? emotional? i'm curious to know as everyone seems to define it differently..
the drive there.. (pics were taken with my phone -- the quality ain't so bad)
(it was getting ready to rain)
the timing was horrid. i had fun and all.. but.. the weather sucked.. preventing us from playing in the water. additionally, i was doped up on pain killers the first day and a half.. i also started my period the night we arrived. superb. anyway, the scenery was impeccable. ah, i love the pacific northwest.. minus the schizo rain. i suppose i'll post the rest of the pics later.
moving along..
i need to find my lovely sister a good man.. 
she's smart, tall (six feet), ambitious (pursuing a career in the medical field), caring, has a model physique.. and is drop dead gorgeous. why is she single then? i don't know, man. this last bf (now ex) of hers just proves that she totally sucks at picking and choosing her men. so.. i will be taking on the role of her matchmaker.. (without her knowledge or consent).. hah.
so step right up..
i'm probably jumping the gun here.. but.. she'll be in pasadena,
california for a week.. beginning this friday.. if you or someone you
know is a tall, ambitious, intelligent, handsome gentleman who will be in or around the pasadena area during that time.. message me.. and let's arrange something. 
muhaha.
i made an appointment for 9:45am.. arrived at 9:20.. and didn't get called into the examination room until 10:20. doc came in at 10:30, took five minutes to familiarize herself with what was going on.. handed me two prescriptions -- one for antibiotics and the other for pain killers. she then informed me that the nurse would be in shortly to administer my shot.
"shot?!" i asked. panic and fear proceeded to well up in my gut.. it's supposedly some antibiotic booster. i was pissed.. not only am i deathly afraid of needles.. but i coughed up $25 (copay) and waited close to an hour for her to spend a measly five minutes with me. damn.. and you people get paid the big bucks.
so nurse alice comes strolling in with a smokin' hot assistant (i think she was shadowing).. in her hand was the hugest needle that i had ever laid my eyes on. no joke. i gulped.. a silenced desperation for help. i could feel my armpits getting moist as my heart began to race faster and faster..
"which cheek, honey?"
"cheek?? you are not injecting that into my mouth"
"not that cheek. the other one" she chuckled.
what? well, at least it's thick enough to withhold the excruciating pain deriving from that satanic needle.. right? i was still sweating it. so i pulled down my pants. the assistant was checking me out. hubba, hubba. i was secretly wishing for her to hold the cheek still for me. i kid.. or not.. alice had me lean over, holding onto the patient bed thingamajig with my right foot slightly in the air.
"you're going to feel a slight sting and it might burn just a little" i was about ready to pass out. feeling quite faint, i nervously asked her to hurry because it was taking forever and i could feel a shortage of breath.
"almost done"
almost, my ass. finally, she pulled out. with the combination of that burning sensation and the release of all the anxiety.. i (accidently) farted. it was actually a semi-shart. 
at this point, i was still bent over.. with the upper half of my body collapsed onto the bed.. so imagine the damage.
nurse alice and the hot assistant nonchalantly walk out. my bad.
i have an appointment tomorrow to receive a second dosage of the shot.. i ain't going.. no friggin way.
i'll crank my bitchiness up a notch so that they'll just end up firing me.. which will permit me to collect unemployment.. which will then allow me to go to boston.
yeah, that's it.
i'm so miserable here that i can feel an ulcer creeping up on me.
i am wearing a white skirt with dark blue panties.. and i discovered a humongo bruise on my ankle. i wacked off profusely in the employee's bathroom during my lunch. too much strress has been building up and i had to release it somewhere. the next man.. or woman who has the honor of engaging in some bedroom rockin' with me (hah) is going to get hurt pretty bad..
ho hum..
i had a mini, not so important epiphany yesterday. after watching numerous episodes of wrekcage and tapout.. i've come to the realization that this is my inevitability.. that this is what i'm meant to do. haha. no, really. so.. i've decided to start training to become an MMA fighter.. i'm going to start taking muy thai and (kick) boxing. i talked to my man friend about this last night and he was quite supportive at first.. saying that he'll assist me with the training. then he gradually became opposed to it as the thought of my boobies vanishing wasn't too pleasant for him. i assured him that i, without a doubt.. will not become one of those butch.. manly chicks. i won't lose these jugs. that's a little too extreme. i'm just gonna get cut and improve my strength. i already have a black belt in taekwondo, so that will help a tadddd bit. i mean, i do still have my sparring techniques down. gyeah.
so.. ladies and gents.. ya'll will see me on espn sooner or later. whether that be on the wsop or one of the fighting shows.
mark my words.
have a swell weekend.
i have an interview at noon. i told my boss that i have to take my lunch a little earlier than usual.. and that i'll be late coming back due to a scheduled car appointment. maybe i'm tripping, but she seemed a little suspicious. anyway, wish me luck.. i hope this one is a success.. *crosses fingers*
speaking of my boss.. you guys remember her?.. so apparently she feels that she can spill all her beans to me. she comes strolling to my desk about ten minutes ago and starts rambling on about her husband.. just like last time. i just sit there and nod, displaying pseudo concern. then she begins to tell me how she's secretly seeing one of her husband's best friends and how she's ready to start a new relationship with this guy because she's had it with him. but the only thing really stopping her is that she's afraid the husband will try to gain custody of their children. what the fuck, dude.. this just proves my theory on females.. trifling. then she informs me that she won't be here on thursday and friday because her and the hubby's friend are going to the ocean together for a "romantic" getaway. wtf.
the thing i don't get is.. why the fuck isn't she addressing her issues with her husband?? i know she hasn't. she told me that she couldn't talk to him because she can't get him to sit down for a serious conversation. you dumb ass cunt.. so instead of trying a little harder to talk things out.. you're going to go fuck his friend and decide all of a sudden.. you've developed strong feelings for this other dude..
this whole ranting and exposing such dirty secrets to me has put me in a real pissy ass mood.. man.. if she wasn't my boss.. i swear. i felt like reaching over and strangling the shiet out of her..
i think i've got it. she's revealing her filthy laundry to me because i'm the youngest one in our department.. so she figures i'm young and naive.. therefore whatever she tells me, i'll support her stance on it. does that make sense?
i am soooooo tempted to contact her husband right now. you know, the being unhappy issue.. i can empathize with, sorta. i actually even felt bad for her from that initial conversation we had at the bar.. but going off and doing your husband's friend and forming this bullshit relationship with him is just.. wrong. for that.. she deserves to be miserable for the rest of her gotdamn life.
the best monologue ever written.. edward norton in the "25th hour"..
"Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores and stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. Slow the fuck down! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafe, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin` and dealin` and schemin`. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds!
Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for fucking life! You think Bush and Cheney didn`t know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Imclone! Adelphia! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin` parade in the city. And don`t even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, because they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, and their St. Anthony medallions. Swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You’re not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don’t want to play defense, they take five steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on!
Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child`s pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. Fuck OsamaBinLaden, Alqueda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal, Irish ass! Fuck Jacob Elinski, whining malcontent. Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery, my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend`s ass. Fuck Naturel Rivera. I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back. Sold me up the river. Fucking bitch. Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar. Sipping on club soda, selling whiskey to firemen and cheering the Bronx Bombers. Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue. From the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it. Let the fires rage. Let it burn to fucking ash then let the waters rise and submerge this whole, rat-infested place."
word up, e.
i will eventually come around to all of your requests, so please be patient. muchos gracias. if anyone has any others, feel free to leave it.
oh, and deux02.. you wanted some "sex'n stories".. check your protected.
as requested by gmoneyjie.
okay, there was that period in my life after i had broken up with the ex of five years.. i had isolated myself.. until i came to a point where i wanted to throw myself back out there.. and possibly meet a swell guy. so i was at a club one night.. this very attractive guy and i got to talking. not only was he physically there, but intellectually as well. anyway, he obtained my number that night and called me a few days later. we agreed to go out the following weekend. he kept insisting on picking me up.. i continuously declined. he was rather persistent about this so i ended up having him pick me up down the street from my place. i'm waiting outside when a silver range rover pulls up next to me. there he sat.. lookin oh so fine. he got out, greeted me.. then opened my door. i was rather impressed. so we're driving to the restaurant when all of a sudden he says.. "ahhh, i have to change. do you think we have enough time?".. i attempted to convince him that he looked fine.. and that there was no need to go change. this perplexed me.. he had mentioned how he had a business meeting prior to picking me up.. but i couldn't understand why he didn't just bring a change of clothes. from our initial conversation at the club, i knew he lived on an island about thirty-forty minutes from me.. so why was he going to drive all the way back there, then back to the city? whatever. he was the driver so i went along. anyway, we arrive to his house.. it was a friggin palace. i'll save the details.. but i almost shat my pants by its beauty. he opened the gates, we drove in.. for some odd reason, he drove past the entrance of the house and parked right in front of the garage. he clicked another button and up came the garage doors. there beautifully stood.. three immaculent cars. a benz, a porsche, and a hummer. there wasn't even room in the garage for his car.. hmmm. anyway, i didn't react to the house or the cars. i didn't want to give him that kind of satisfaction. shit. he lead me to the front door.. wtf, dude. what was the point of opening your garage?? o..k.. i thought we were going to at least walk inside to the house via the garage. anyway, we went inside and it was stunning. i sat on the couch. he went to change. out he came.. it was almost identical to what he had on earlier. i was a tad bit annoyed at this point. i'm not stupid. he obviously drove us all the way back to his house so that he could show off his shit. no wonder he was so persistent about picking me up. ugh. i was quite disgusted.
so i'm ready to go, you know. i was starving. however, we just had to make a stop to his bar downstairs. every drink imaginable was sitting there.. on those shelves. shit, might as well drink up while i was here.. i thought. so both of us took a few shots of patron. i ain't too fond of tequila, but i wanted to make it worth my time. lol. he was already negative fifty points by the little garage stunt he had pulled off. we're chilling, talking about stupid shit.. when i had to take a whiz. so i go do my thing and i walk out. i kid you not, there he sat.. with his teeny one eyed monster hanging out. he looks up and smiles at me. i wanted to burst out in laughter but i refrained from doing so. wtf am i supposed to do at this point? quickly, i say.. "hey, let's get going now. i'm really hungry".. he responds by standing up.. his three incher poking through the opened zipper.. walks over and tries to kiss me. i started cracking up. i couldn't help it. so imagine what that would do to a guy's ego.. well, anyone in general. he probably felt as big as his penis. hahahah. he hurriedly zips his shit up and we get back into his car. not a word was exchanged until we got to the restaurant. both of us acted as though nothing happened. it was soooo awkward.
needless to say, this was our first and last date. not only was it due to the lack of size.. haha, i kid.. no.. but even if he hadn't have done that.. the whole "let me show you how much money i got" thing was an instant turn off.. so either way..
tagged by syntaxian.
i tag: you.
saturday night.. i was on the dance floor getting my groove on. a few fellas tried to hang but failed. hah. anyway, the next thing i know, there's a chick grinding me from behind. she moves to the front of me.. booty rubbing all up on my cooter. this girl had moves. my initial reaction.. damnnnnn, she's fine. she had these tight ass jeans on and a halter top that exposed a lot. we were a few feet away from the stage so the neon lights are swarming back and forth on us. we're continuing on, when all of a sudden she turns around to the point that we're facing each other.. i looked down at her face as the lights made its way to us.. and.. i threw up a little in my mouth. i know that sounds mean.. but this chick was beaten with the ugly stick.. one too many times. basically, she looked like an asian samuel l. jackson.. with longer and prettier hair. after that, i slowly made my way back to the bar. i needed a few drinks after seeing that.
happy monday.
is there anything that you people would like me to write about? throw some topics/suggestions/requests at me. i will do my best to cover them all. 
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