June 26, 2009

• the bully. the encounter.

  i decided to utilize the $40 a month that i fork up.. and check out a different gym location. it was all but another five minutes away from the one i normally go to. i heard this other facility was an improvement.. offered more variety, and most of the cardio equipment actually functions. it was one of those days where you just don't feel like exercising.. but you're forced to go since you devoured one too many bowls of cereal. :/

  "good evening" a masculine voice greeted. i was in a hurry. get in, sweat that cinnamon toast crunch off, get out. i extended my arm so he could scan my card.. and then i looked up........

  this face was awfully familiar.. he smiled as we briefly locked eyes.. my eyes aimlessly wandered to his shiny name tag... 'brandon'...

  i was twelve.. or was it eleven.. going into middle school. foreign territory, unfamiliar faces.. it wasn't easy. it's hard fitting in as an adolescent, especially when you didn't attend elementary school with the rest of them. every child yearns to be accepted by their peers.. i wasn't any different.

  "hey chinky! hahaha four eyes! how does it feel to be a brace face?!" yeah, i resembled your typical-fresh-off-the-boat asian. i had glasses, braces, and i played the violin. i had seen this kid around school but this was the first time that he ever acknowledged my presence. he was one of the popular kids who was never seen walking alone.. he was always surrounded by the other mainstream kids. the second he shouted such derogatory comments at me, i could feel tears well up behind those thick lenses of mine. you can't cry.. you can't cry. suck it up, ang. i acted as though his words were not heard. just tell michelle, she'll take care of him. my sister was my protector.. she was like the big brother everyone feared back when we lived in kentucky.

  this continued throughout the whole school year. the kid recruited his other friends to join in on the teasing of this meek target. i never stood up for myself in fear that it would only worsen. with all the dysfunctions occurring at home, it.. my adolescent life became simply unbearable. him, this one being -- he provoked all of this.. he incited the name calling, the bullying. my life precipitated into a living hell, thanks to one individual. i hated him with every cell in my body. i despised his existence.

  sophomore year i transferred high schools. i blossomed. i soon forgot what it was like to be the victim.. the bullied. i enjoyed high school. that kid faded from my memory.

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  ..it struck me.. as odd as it may sound, my knees buckled.. i could feel my heart beating profusely. no way.. it was him. it was the kid who sent me home in tears practically everyday.. the bastard who converted me to contact lenses.. the jerk who caused heartache for my mother who had to witness her daughter's pain from all of the careless acts he committed.. the snake who had me begging my parents to convince my orthodontist that i didn't need the braces anymore.... and here i was... over a decade later, face to face. you have no idea.. as minute and pointless as this all sounds, it evoked a ton of emotions that once plagued me as a kid. and as i was being battered with flashbacks.. i heard a faint voice.. i took a deep breath..

  "excuse me?"

  "oh, i just asked if you were new to our facility" he grinned. he had no idea who i was.. i went through a total transformation.. of course he didn't recognize me.

  i gathered my composure.

  "yes, i am" i smiled back and proceeded to the cardio room.

  it was bittersweet in a sense.. seeing him reminded me of a really shitty time that i wish had never happened.. subsequently, it was rather humorous seeing this douchebag working as a receptionist at my gym.

  hah.

  by the way, as i was leaving.. brandon attempted to talk to me again. i shoved my earphones in and skipped my way through the exit.

  • 12:12 am
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