May 25, 2008
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i slouch here.. legs curled up.. in a semi-fetal position.
i just picked my sister up from the train station. she made her way to my car, a bag in hand.. the rest of her stuff was brought to my mother's place the week before. we exchanged hello's.. she's never really been a person of many words.. and tonight was no different.
she's laying here.. back turned to me.. "never let go" by the david crowder band is blasting from my speakers for a reason.. i want to conceal the sound of my stubborn sniffles..
i'm going to miss her dearly. there's a heavy discomfort that plagues my heart.. knowing that she'll be thousands of miles away.. in an unfamiliar place.. i feel as though i should protect her.. as she has protected me my whole life.
she's always been my rock. to be honest, i don't know how i would have made it through my childhood without having her by my side. things were so messed up.. so dysfunctional.. but having her there.. she was my confirmation that everything would be alright.
i took the lack of distance that we shared between us for granted. she was all but a hundred or so miles away.. i should have visited more often. we should have spent more time together.. now about three thousand miles will separate us. i don't have the luxury of hopping in my car and driving down there anymore.. it's not like i fully embraced those opportunities when they were there, you know? ugh..
[i never publicized the first part which i wrote the other night]..
i dropped her off at the airport this morning. it was bittersweet.. moreso bitter than sweet.. heh.. but i know this is only to better her future and i'm glad for her.. but it sucks seeing her go..
i hate airports.
i walked her to the security check.. they informed me that i was not allowed to proceed any further as i wasn't a passenger. she thanked me for dropping her off. i didn't know what else to say or do.. we were never ones to show our emotions.. i felt like crying.. and i could feel my tears gradually producing.. i wanted to quickly walk away before she saw..
"call me when you land.. k? bye.."
"i will, thanks again.. bye.."
and she did something that i can't even remember the last time she did this.. she hugged me. it may seem odd to most folks that two sisters have never hugged as adults.. but it's true.. it felt weird..
i feel as though my entire childhood has been validated by my sister. she kept me alive in more ways than one..
i miss her already.
Comments (9)
I'm 19, my brother will be 18 in July. We're pretty close, we still live with our parents (we go to college close to home). I can't remember the last time I hugged him FOR REAL. Like, a genuine hug. Sure, we mess around and wrestle and whatnot, but we hardly show any emotion like that. It's gonna be weird when we're older and go our separate ways. We'll definitely live within driving distance of each other (I think), but yeah...For me, it'll be weird just not living with him.
Yeah, my family was never really affectionate growing up either, but I've learned to really appreciate the family I have. I hope you're alright. I'm sure she misses you too.
where she off to college?
I think it's an Asian thing.. My family's not big on the hugs and "I'll miss you"s either. It's just kind of an understood thing that the bond is always there.
The distance is great, but with the power of the internet, you two can still keep in touch (I hope). Take care, yeah?
that is all...
i was in your sister's position three years ago, and i'll tell you what... ironically, the distance helped me become closer to my family than i ever have. i take them for granted a little bit less, and the phone calls are a little bit sweeter. it still kills me to be away from my family (as dysfunctional as we were/are), but distance isn't always bad. you're mighty blessed to have each other.
I hate airports now that non-passengers aren't allowed past security -_-
u guys will be even closer now than ever before
. I'm sure she'll be fine, but I can help if you need it.