February 28, 2008
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(un)defeated.
i can't handle working here anymore.. i'm so fucking fed up with the perverseness and carelessness of our world. i'm frustrated beyond belief right now. you know, it came to a point where i became calloused.. where nothing shocked me anymore..
these perpetrators are supposed to be their guardians, their protectors.. instead they are the ones inflicting an unimaginable amount of mental/emotional anguish and physical harm upon these innocent, innocent children. i can't grasp it. i really can't. and what's equally disheartening is witnessing these monkeys (me.. us).. constantly failing to do their jobs. it's like 90% of these assholes don't even care......... but then again. who does anymore?..
this morning, i arrived to a desk where scattered multicolored folders rested.. screaming to be organized.. (i left a mess last night as i was in a rush to get out).. i then came across a new report stuffed inside a bright red folder. he was all but seven.. eight years old. polaroids of his frail, half naked body were taped to the inside cover. this wasn't the first time i've been exposed to shit like this. like i said, i'd become numb to it all.. or so i'd like to think. i suppose today was different because for the first time.. in a really long time.. i actually allowed my brain and emotions to process what exactly had happened.. i almost vomited. tears welled up as i clenched my fists..
i've officially lost all faith in human kind.. additionally, i've come to the conclusion that i am not fit to work in this industry anymore. my mind is too weak for this bullshit.
somewhere underneath all this garbage.. i suppose my soul does still exist..
Comments (17)
what do you do
And yet it is the torment you feel both physically and emotionally that separates you from others, showing you that perhaps that is the reason you should stay and make a difference?
i once knew this guy who volunteered in the hospital with kids on his friday nights. one night, he met a little girl in visible pain from her surgery and invited her to play a game with him. together, they chatted and played LIFE until nearly midnight. he had played with her for over 4 hours, and by the time she left, she left with a smile.
true story. hope it helps.
Keep that hope alive! Much respect to what you do!
we need to lock these abusers in a cage w/a homosexual version of Bob Sapp & let him get medieval on their asses like in Pulp Fiction.
which is why I decided not to go to medschool after graduating biochem and taking mcats... I couldnt handle it and live with myself on the "bad days"
I had a couple friends do social work after college, they lasted about 6 years before they quit, probably due to the same reasons you feel stressed out. During those 6 years I saw them turn from optimistic and hopeful to jaded, cynical, and truly disgusted with society. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
@franksabunch - nice.
but ensure that you don't do damage to your own spirit.
<3
Man I've seen shit like that in my career and to deal with it all day 5 days a week...I'd probably loss it and do something that I'd regret but would probably enjoy doing to them what they do to the kids....
I'm glad I work with an inanimate object with no emotions (computers) hehe. Well, you should do what you care about, not what the rest of the world cares about.
one of my friends had to go through a lot of this shit too. she quit her job and is now attending law school :
Join the Robocats revolution.
its easy... quit.
i don't know exactly what it is that you do but i can guess the type of work, and its a tough tough job to do. the sad thing is, how helpless you are to really do anything about it and eventually that helplessness turns into indifference. sad.
Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people. easier said than done, but there is much to be said for fighting the good fight. stay strong;)