June 5, 2007
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five years ago..
it was the last time i spoke with my father. up until 1 a.m. this morning.. i didn't know if he was dead or alive. there have been these subtle.. yet direct signs erupting.. right in front of my face. signs of my father. something urged me to contact him.. and so i did. i have a number given to me by a family friend from a while back. never once did i use it. many times i wanted to.. but for various reasons, i didn't. the grudge i held against him has long been gone. i forgive him for i know of his remorse. people make mistakes, and people do change.
"yu boh sae yo?".. he sounded exactly the same.
"appa".. i prepped myself for this phone call so no emotion was present in my voice.
"n-g??" i could hear his voice crack.
he was stunned, to say the least.. we talked and caught up on each other's lives. moreso mine than his.
as our conversation was ending.. he thanked me for calling.. and proceeded to apologize.. i stopped him. i empathized with the regret he's held onto for so long, i understand we all make mistakes.. and i immediately jumped to something else.. there are just some things that don't need to be verbalized.
it sucks that the rest of my family is so unforgiving.. but i don't hold it against them for my father did a lot of effed up crap. they possess a legitimate reason for being on such ugly terms with him. i suppose i'm a little too forgiving at times.. but he is my father..
and nothing will ever change that..
Comments (25)
can relate sorta
wenji seul puh ji nae...
it's better to call then having to look back and think if only when its become too late.
i haven't spoken to my father in...8 or 9 years. i wish my mom would forgive him. she holds onto the pain so much that it really hurts her more than him. :T
i am glad with the chance that you had to communicate with your father... it is true that forgiveness is something we do for ourselves more than to the other person .. i hope in time that the rest of your family follows in your example. and you are right .. afterall, he IS your father. take care! -di
ya know... I'm glad you at least tried to contact the man... most people live with that kinda demon and never find out what it's like until finally they wake up one day and they're dead and they'll never know.... that sucks... hopefully things work out between you guys... it looks like it's headed in the right direction....
btw, it is not being a little "too" forgiving .. there is no such thing .. it is either you forgive or you don't .. people who think there is such a thing like "a-little-too-forgiving" is fooling themselves to know what forgiveness means.
There's only one person on this planet whom you can legitimately call your father.
Grudges are more than a waste of energy. They eat at the soul. I know someone who will go on with her life having a grudge on me (for something I didn't do) for the rest of her life. I can't imagine bottling that hatred and using it as energy/motivation.
woh. that took tremendous courage and strength. i agree completely, a. we all make mistakes, and we all have our own ways of coping/dealing with whatever life hands you.
I got blurry-eyed when reading this...It reminds me so much of my stagnate relationship with my father. I think a lot of Korean fathers, at least the traditional ones, are very much alike - cold and distant.
Anyhow, Kudos for sharing.
You have a very big heart! That's a very admirable quality.
Took me 16 years...and when I finally decided to visit him for a week, I was a total ass.
Good job though, lots of courage to do something like that.
that's right! ain't nothin gonna change where you came from
btw people are gross! sometimes I hate looking at people's profile pics! stop staring at me!
:]
takes a big hearted person to forgive... i bet you made your father's day in a big way with that phone call... good for you.
I can relate, I haven't talked to my dad since '01. and like you, i've had his number for a while now, but i'm not as forgiving as you, so i haven't called. props to you though
i have no words of wisdom for you. i can only apologize that we humans simply aren't very good parents. and that if you have more to say, more to vent, more to let out, i would listen. and i would do my best to console.
RYC: Thanks. It is what it is. Up, down, up, down. That pretty much sums up life.
I love you. Fo' reals.
I'm glad you finally called your father. I have yet to call mine.
great, back to this xanga tag of comment and delete.
Thank you. You're too kind... =)
It's good that you were able to do that. For a lot of people... the chance is gone.
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