May 31, 2007

  • read this.. quite an eye opener.. i wrote the following a few months ago about my own mother.. i hope you can all take something from these personal experiences..

    an insightful, exquisite, benevolent human being.

    my mother.

    the woman who carries a full supply of umbrellas in the back seat of her car to hand out, on rainy days, to the homeless folks roaming our city's streets.. the woman who gave up a great paying career and a prestigious title to assist the abandoned elderly of our community.. to help ease their suffering -- something that she is so passionate about. my mother.. the woman who has endured so much.. a lifetime of mishaps. she has manifested the true meaning of "tough love" to me.. which i am now so thankful of. many times i angered myself at the mere thought of her.. what a selfish, ungrateful, conniving little bitch i was. she has stabbed me with cruel words in the past.. never was it done intentionally to hurt me. i caused her so much pain.. yet, she still loved me and tried so hard to have that reciprocated. i always did.. but it was concealed by my pride. my mother.. she has never verbally expressed the love she carries for me, but i always knew it existed. i used to wonder how she could help everyone else out there.. making their days bright with her kind gestures and her warm verbiage.. yet when she looked at me.. it seemed that all i could see was hatred.. but it was me who blocked her out.. it was me who hallucinated all of this..

    it sickens me to think about the relationship that we once shared.. or shall i say the lack of relationship. my mother, the woman who continues to do everything and anything to help the world, even though the world has screwed her over repeatedly. her health is deteriorating.. at a rapid pace. my heart is punctured at the sight of the shelves that are lined with her medication. her physical appearance makes it apparent that she is not doing too well.. time and disease -- they are taking it's toll on her. all these opportunities i had in the palms of my hands.. to repair something that only required me to lay aside my pride.. but i was so damn stupid.. i'm doing my best now.. the laughs and conversations that we currently share on a regular basis is just.. divine. i am unable to put it into words.. how i feel. the anger i hold towards myself, the joy she brings to my soul.. the love i have for her.. the desire i so strongly grasp to freeze time......

    i cannot emphasize this enough.. repair whatever it is that has significance to you.. pride is just pride.. humiliation is a wonderful thing. remember, time has no mercy.. you never know when it will in fact be too late. hold on.. hold on tight.

    i know my mother's time is running out.. we all do. except.. she disregards it because to her, others are more important than her own self.

    "everyone wants to go to Heaven, but no one wants to die".. she told me the other day. i chuckled. and turned to catch a glimpse of her smirking.. at this moment i realized that i have discovered the true meaning of happiness.. seeing my mother, with a genuine smile on her face.. this is my true happiness..