April 20, 2007

  • as kids, we seek to be accepted by our peers.. to fit in with the rest of them.. and then there comes a point where you realize you're different. you possess these contrastive traits -- mainly, in a physical sense because well.. that's just what kids notice. for me, i grew up in an all white town.. hicksville as one may call it.. i always knew i wasn't exactly like the rest of my classmates.. but it was just something all of us disregarded. it didn't really matter at that time.. we were only first, second.. third graders.. the only awkward moments for me were when the teacher placed me in the back of the line. we'd march in a synchronized manner into a room.. ah, it was that time of the year. combed hair, sunday shirts.. it was picture day. i was always last. shortest to tallest, i even beat out the boys.

    and then i "graduated" from primary school.. and off to middle school i went.. with the big kids. it was frightening.. but exciting at the same time. hell, i was ecstatic knowing i would be surrounded by fifth, sixth, and seventh graders.. and.. gasps.. maybe.. just maybe i could even be friends with them. the next thing i knew, reality stabbed me in the neck. i noticed that there was something really peculiar about me.. omitting this bit of self discovery, i went on with my jolly good ol' self. then, one day.. on my way home from school, this pair of seventh graders sat down in front of me. the boy launched directly at me.. "why are your eyes like that?" it was as if i was being condemned. confused, and completely caught off guard.. my eyes began to well up with tears.. "haha, ching chong chong chong!!" he squawked while stretching out the both of his eyes.. for the first time in my life, i was ashamed of who i was.. and well, it didn't end there.. throughout these school years -- the years that i had once looked forward to.. i was tormented and teased.. as one of the very few asian kids (i was also the youngest) at that school, i was the butt of all their jokes. it was always.. "hey, let's pick on the chink".. damn those bullies.

    oh, the joys.

    then, as i got older.. my race rarely played a factor into my life.. socially, academically, nada.. we got out of hicksville and relocated to a city overflowing with asians.. it was quite the culture shock.. transitioning from a town which consisted of about five asian families to one where they made up a good chunk of its population.

    and then the issue amongst my peers became my braces.. the thick glasses i was forced to wear. it went from being called.. a "chink" to.. "four eyes".. "metal mouth".. never did it end..

    to this day, it hasn't. why? because i am now my own bully.. which is, hands down.. the worst of them all.

Comments (20)

  • nothing wrong with bullies

  • It's odd. You'd think here in Hawaii, where there's an overabundance of Asians, we got teased all the time. Actually, everyone teases everyone else here, so it evens out.

    I remember getting particularly pissed when boys would tease me about fuckin' "slant eyes", when my eyes are actually rather large (not huge, but I have friends who really do look like they're stoned all the time, if you know what I mean) for a Japanese girl. I ended up kicking them in the shins/nuts and getting into trouble. I was a pretty radical kid, I guess. :x

  • awww, so what's the latest nickname?

  • self inflicted wedgies must be hard. in both application and resulting pain. best regards with that.

  • we are our own worst critics.

    i cant say i remember being bullied b/c of race. i can't even imagine what that'd be like.

  • its about time you wrote something of substance.

    when confronted with criticism and self doubt... naracassism is a good remedy.

    BAM! too big, too swole, too beautiful, too powerful, too cocky too right .....*hugs self and prances about*

  • looking back now. do u think those unfortunate things make you a better person .. meaning being more sympathetic to those being bullied or it made you think that it's bound to happen and it's just a fact of life?

  • Your eyes look big...I've seen White people with smaller eyes.

  • at least we can control how much we bully ourselves :)

  • you're gay.

  • for me... being thrown into school without knowing a single word of english was fun.

  • you said on the the earlier post you needed a joke or something... i have none but this cracked me up a few nights ago... maybe you already seen it. 

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGrTvNzGCZE 

  • You know, what bugs me most about "ching chong" isn't so much the fact that it's racist but the fact that it doesn't resemble any Asian language.

  • the race thing appeared in middle school for me, too... wasn't even there during grade school, except when i got taunted on the monkey bars just once.  unlike you i moved from hicksville straight to ucla, and THAT was my shock.  i still feel worlds different as if i had never gone to a school filled with asians, though.  :)

    be easy on yourself.

  • well, u're getting the last laugh now~

    seeing how beautifully you've turn out!! ^^

    u're tall w/ beautiful smile~

    and frankly, I don't see how chinky your eyes are!!

    I mean....I've seen narrower eyes than that alright?! oh pls.....~

    urs is nothing!!~

  • those were the days...

  • i meant to say, "them were the days..." (how the hicks would say it)

  • You're definitely not alone in your perceptions! =)

  • i can relate. i grew up the most part in Puerto Rico and the only asians i saw where at restaurants. the restless and insubordinate person that i am and always have been, i got in a lot fist fights. some i won, others i lost, but it was the only way of earning respect! so, with that said i condemn the violence that humans bring about one another, but i also hold dear to my heart those affected by abuse. what a dichotomy! i hope to reincarnate into a tree.

  • And yet, despite that abuse, you never took a gun to school to kill 'em all.

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